About dads in general and about our dad in particular

My dear, beloved, amazing, beautiful mothers, today we are not talking about you. This does not detract from your merits in the upbringing and habilitation of the child, your contribution is truly huge. But today we’ll talk about dads.

The role of the pope is very important whether the child has developmental features or not. Most mothers spend more time with their child than dads, especially under the age of 3 years. And, of course, if the mother often interacts with the baby, then she is the first to see that something is wrong. Dad, due to the fact that he spends less time with the child, which, in principle, knows little about the development of children (especially if this is the first-born) and the skills that he must learn by a certain age, he notes alarming symptoms later. This does not mean that dad is easier to accept the diagnosis of the child. Dads also have to go through all stages of adoption. Someone succeeds, someone does not find the strength and leaves the family, but continues to support at least financially, someone prefers to erase this situation and these people from life and start all over again. It is also impossible to condemn dads in this situation, often they don’t know how to behave, they don’t want to admit that the child has problems, they are afraid of the future, in general there are a lot of reasons. Do not forget that with the advent of the diagnosis in the family, a lot changes. It happens that mom leaves her job and dad rests with the entire financial burden of the family, but in addition to the usual and already usual expenses, rehabilitation courses, medicines that need to be bought, classes that need to be paid are added. And this is a big responsibility, a big load, we must also be able to cope with this. It also happens that it is dad who takes care of the child, takes him to rehabilitation centers, does it at home, looks for specialists, and this decision also needs the family to all together, distribute roles and get used to them, accept them.

The only option that I don’t understand is when dad eliminates himself from the life of not only his mother, but also his child. In order for a child to be born, two are needed, which means that both parents are responsible.

So, I’ll tell you with the example of our dad how the process of making a diagnosis took place in our case. Since Alice outwardly differed little from other children, she did not have bouts, cramps, or problems with movement, for a long time our dad could not recognize the fact that there were problems. Yes, she doesn’t speak, but she’s still very small, she’ll speak. Many children are silent for a long time, and then begin to speak. He was not opposed to our classes with a speech therapist-defectologist, a specialist in physical therapy, did not resist paid tricks from a neurologist, but believed that this was reinsurance and you could do without all this. It should be noted that he loves Alice insanely. She looks very much like him, she’s not much like me, they even asked me several times if she’s my family, but if they are together side by side, they must note their amazing similarity. As a joke, I even told him that because of this similarity, you can even not do a DNA test. So, when we love, it is objectively difficult to relate to the object of love. For parents, their child is always the best, most beautiful and most intelligent. And if I was more objective (my complete objectivity also could not be discussed) the knowledge of child psychologists helped, it was not in vain that I had been gnawing at the granite of science for 5 years, but Arthur had no such knowledge and it was more difficult for him to see the problem. He attributed many of its features to character, mood, or any other reasons not related to problems in the intellectual sphere.

When Alice was 4.5, we changed our place of residence and lived separately for six months. Dad and eldest son in Surgut (he wanted to finish the 9th grade with his classmates), Alisa and I are in Anapa. And so, on New Year’s holidays, our family reunited (though dad then had to go to Surgut for another month, but these are details). In the city theater held a celebration dedicated to the celebration of the new year for children with disabilities. The three of us went there: me, Alice and dad. We already knew many whom we met at the celebration, greeted many parents and children. The holiday program was adapted for children with disabilities. It was at this holiday that our dad flooded with the realization that Alice was special, that she had problems and that simply “outgrowing” would not work. I don’t know what influenced, maybe separation, which made it possible to abstract a little and look at her differently, maybe a large number of children with problems, against which Alice looked quite organically and did not stand out from the crowd, or maybe all together.

I won’t say that after that his attitude towards Alice changed, he still loves her, only now there is a fear that they will offend her. If I was still considering the option of going to a regular school, at least for a couple of lessons (labor, drawing and physical education), then he was categorically against this. Perhaps he is even more frightened by the fact that he assumed the role of defender and is very afraid that if he is not around, then they will offend her. He is very worried about the financial component and always seeks to earn more. He wholeheartedly loves his daughter and is ready to fight for her to the last.

Yes, after the diagnosis, the family changes, each member of the family has to go his own way, and if you manage to keep it, then this is wonderful, because support is needed for all mothers and fathers and brothers and sisters. Every day I am glad that I met my husband, that we managed to create a family, that we have wonderful children and I wish everyone love and support from loved ones!