Why does a special child become a target for bullying?

My daughter is faced with norm-typical children every day (may their parents forgive me for such a “name-calling”, but I would have given everything so that Alice would be called norm-typical). This happens on the playground, in the store, in the games room, on trampolines, in general, almost everywhere. How is her communication with them? Until the age of 5, she was not even interested in other children. She could sit nearby, calmly reacted if a toy was taken from her, did not pay attention, if she was pushed, did not pay attention to games. At five, she seemed to begin to see other children. Repeated actions have appeared. For example, a girl on the playground climbs the stairs, and Alice climbs nearby, the girl gets down and mine follows. I was very happy! Of course, full communication is still far away, but this is already a big breakthrough!

            In her communication with children there are several nuances. Firstly, she still doesn’t understand how to build this communication, she doesn’t speak and tries to show with her or her opponent’s hand what she wants, the children don’t understand her, some are afraid, someone may perceive it as aggression. We are constantly working on this. Secondly, the children also do not understand how to communicate with her, they have never encountered such a thing, they have not been told to them, and they are lost.

            I want to tell you about several situations that will demonstrate how communication can occur between a normotypic child and a child that is different from the norm.

            1. Our friends came to visit us with their seven-year-old son. Children had never seen each other before and did not suspect each other. I became an involuntary witness to a situation when the boy’s mother invites him to play with Alice. To which the boy very sincerely replies: “I do not want, she is stupid.” My heart sank into my heels, and then abruptly rose back together with a wave of pain and anger. A nagging pity for his child and a burning hatred of a stranger mixed into a burning cocktail in some fraction of a second. I immediately wanted to hug Alice, hug him and hide from everyone, and tell the boy disgusting. Vile feeling. With an incredible effort of will, I forced myself to move further down the corridor, leaving the situation unattended. When emotions subsided, I realized that the child did not want to offend anyone, he said what he thought. He came to an unfamiliar house, for the first time he saw a girl who was almost as tall as he was, but at the same time did not talk, constantly jumping, making some strange movements. Where did he want to play with her? If he is forced to interact with someone whom he does not understand, then aggression may appear. Of course, this did not come to this, their visit lasted only a couple of days and we did not manage to establish communication.

            2. At the playground, Alice sways on a swing and periodically begins to cry, she did not sleep enough, and therefore is not in a mood, but there is a ritual, and therefore she is swinging. A girl of about eight comes up to us and asks me: “Why is she crying”? I explain that she wants to sleep and therefore is naughty. Then the child wonders why she does not speak. I explain that she has a sensorimotor alalia, this is such a disease when a person does not understand speech and cannot speak. I give an example, “Imagine, they tell you:“ Mom washes the frame ”, and you hear:“ Arsi-niog-styir ”. The children around us become more understandable, then I talk about the fact that she is interested in children and will not mind playing. Girls shake it, Alice watches them and sometimes corrects the swing. Everyone is happy. In general, I try to children, if we meet with Alice for the first time immediately to warn about her features. In simple terms, tell what is happening to her and why she is not speaking and behaving strangely and how to interact with her.

1. We came to visit our friends, where a family also came with two children of seven and nine years old (as far as I remember). When I went up to them to get to know and explain “what is wrong with Alice” they extremely surprised me by saying that they were in the know, my mother told them everything. I immediately fell in love with this woman! Seriously, this was the only time an adult prepared his children in advance for a meeting with a child that was different from them. She prepared them perfectly, they reacted to Alice with such an interest, so kind, tried to communicate with her, if they didn’t understand something, they asked, although they basically managed it themselves. Yes, she did not participate in all their games, but they did not ignore her, did not look cautiously, did not react with hostility. Moreover, the children themselves did not experience the shock of such a meeting, were not lost, not knowing how to react, did not try to avoid it, because they did not understand.

We, now adults, were not taught to communicate with people with disabilities. Many say that before there were fewer of them, but rather the reason is that gradually people with medical education begin to go out, they participate in competitions, keep blogs, go for walks, inclusive training has appeared. Parents of children with developmental disabilities take them to children’s entertainment centers, take them with them to shops, and go to the beach together. Gradually we come across them more and more. But we do not know how to communicate. We have not been taught. How can we teach our children if we do not know how?

            I ask you to at least tell the children that all people are different, that if a person does not see, this does not mean that he is a fool, it means that he feels this world in a different way. It is not a shame to approach and speak, blindness is not contagious, just like cerebral palsy or autism. No need to try to instill a sense of pity, this again leads to isolation. Just understanding that there are features and that the reactions may not be the same as yours. Forewarned is forearmed. Armed with knowledge and means of communication. In the end, we are all special, they all do not resemble each other in eye color, foot size, hips, but they are surprisingly similar in their desire to be happy, in their desire to be understood and loved.