Two mistakes made by parents of children with disabilities.

We are all living people and we all make mistakes. Parents of children with disabilities in this sense are no different from others. The problems they face are different. In this article I want to talk about communication.

1. One of the most common mistakes is isolation. Someone wants to protect his child from the world around him, from insulting words and ridicule against him, from the difficulties that await him. At home, the child organizes an excellent environment in which he feels comfortable, and if this is a limited environment, then you can even believe that everything is as it should be. If every day you do not compare your child with other children who do not have such problems, then you do not constantly feel pity for him, you do not wonder why this happened to him, etc. Not only the child, but also adults get into isolation. Some consciously or unconsciously limit the circle of communication not only of their child, but also of their own. They are closed within themselves and live in their own world. Why is this not good? We must always remember that no matter how much we protect our child, sooner or later he will have to live without us. Even if he is to live in a special institution, he needs to learn independence. He needs to learn to interact with other people. No one understands the child as his family, but when they are not there, it is unlikely that others will be so attentive and patient to an adult who can’t serve himself. These children still cause a feeling of pity, a desire to help, adults most often cause a feeling of hostility, disgust, they no longer want to hug and regret. It’s scary to think about it and very unpleasant, but if you don’t think about it, you can limit your child, independently deprive him of the opportunity to develop and somehow adapt in this world.
2. The reverse situation. Parents by all means, by hook or by crook, strive to a regular municipal kindergarten, send their child to a regular comprehensive school. They see its potential, they want that, being among children, without developmental features, their child learns from them to speak correctly, learns to communicate and interact. Not a bad option, even an excellent one, but only if several conditions are met (for example, a school):
   First, the child must have certain skills, he must be able to sit at the desk during the lesson, understand the tasks of the teacher, try to complete them, be able to turn to the teacher or classmate with a request. If the child cannot sit at the desk, if he does not understand what the teacher is saying and what he should do, then the learning process is unlikely to be successful. Here, parents of other children may even be outraged that your child is interfering with the learning process. From here enmity and mutual hostility are born. Thus, it is important to adequately assess the capabilities of the child, as far as he is ready for secondary school. Parents cannot always do this adequately, because they are an interested party, because they are not specialists and do not always know what skills a first-grader should have, so it is better to consult a specialist.
   Secondly, the child needs a good tutor. This is such a trained specialist who helps the child in the lessons, accompanies him in the breaks and helps in everything. A comprehensive school is unlikely to provide a tutor for a child. Therefore, one of the parents will have to study as a tutor, either have to look for a tutor on the side and pay for his services, or hang out with the administration and demand that he be allocated. One must also be prepared for this. In general, a good competent tutor can help a child not only adapt at school, but also establish communication with classmates, tell children how to communicate with his ward.
   Thirdly, one must be mentally prepared. Be prepared for the fact that you will not be accepted with open arms at school, that the parents of your child’s classmates will not support you in every way and prepare their children to accept your child. This does not mean that everyone around is bad, but everyone first of all thinks about his child. And here you will have to spend a lot of effort to ensure that the atmosphere in the classroom is positive. And you have to take it into your own hands.
   Fourthly, it is necessary to evaluate how much this particular school meets the needs of the child. It is very difficult to accept the fact that it will be much more important and more useful for a child to learn to lace up his shoes, cook his own food, make a bed, go to the store, than to learn mathematics, train writing and comprehend the basics of other sciences. Not so long ago, a psychologist, already an adult with cerebral palsy, released a video in which he spoke about inclusive education. I was very hooked by his phrase that the main task of the school is education. The child must learn, he must master the skills, gain new knowledge. Not communication, not friends, namely training.

And what do we get? If you can evaluate your child’s abilities and understand that he will receive information in the lessons that is useful to him, if he is able to master this knowledge and you are ready to provide him with support, you are ready to help him join this environment, you are ready to prove to others that your place child here, then feel free to go to secondary school. In fact, there are children whose disorders are very small, many children with cerebral palsy have intact intelligence and can learn with everyone. The main thing that needs to be done is to honestly admit to myself whether this school will be useful to my child or whether it is my cockroaches and ambitions that make me give it to a general educational environment.