To give birth or not to the second child if the first-the disabled person?

We have already accepted our daughter’s diagnoses (autism, SMA, mild mental retardation, ADHD), accepted it, changed our lives, according to the new conditions, somehow everything settled down, got better and is slowly moving. I will not repeat how it all happened, you can read about it here. Very soon Alice will be 7 years old. We have an older son, he is 17 years old and in a year he will go to study in another city. More and more we began to think about having another child.

Here comes the fear. And suddenly again will be born child with especially, suddenly again autism, and if cerebral palsy, and if. diagnoses I now know very many and these “and if” a huge number of. Even knowing that we have an order with genetics, even if the analysis for genetic diseases during pregnancy does not guarantee the birth of a completely healthy child. It’s like a lottery.

I know a lot of families where babies grow up, many of them have healthy brothers and sisters, which is encouraging. But I know 2 couples who have two children and both are diagnosed with autism. Therefore, the saying “shell twice in one funnel does not fall” somehow does not work. Thus, the probability that a child with any disorder will be born again in our family remains.

The question is, are we ready for this? To date, I know a lot and know how to recognize the symptoms of anxiety will be able to much earlier and begin to act, too, which means that the probability of success is also higher. I understand that with the diagnosis of a child, life does not end and the opportunity to be happy has not been canceled. I know my husband will support me and I will support him and together we are a team. Therefore, on the one hand it is not so terrible. But I don’t want a repeat. I do not want to go through this path again, I do not want to go to doctors, I do not want to issue a disability to a child, look for specialists who can help.

I dream that we will have a healthy child. I really want to hear the word “mother”, I want to tell him bedtime stories, to answer these hundreds of ” why?”, sit in the hall, next to the rest of the parents and enjoy his performance at the children’s matinee and many,many more things. I want, to have Ruslan (this senior son) was support, because, when us not will become to care for and help Alice him will easier not alone. Again -???, Alice will for whom to repeat, to whom reach and with whom play, all -??? Ruslan already big, have him their interests, he can keep an eye on for it, but play with it him not interestingly.

My husband and I dreamed that we would have a large family, that we would have many children. We saw ourselves in a large house, where a noisy crowd of children run around the yard, mixed with cats, dogs and other animals. We imagined a large table in the dining room, where we would gather together and discuss the day. And, of course, that dream is still alive. We’re not going as fast as we’d like, but we’re going and hopefully we’ll get there.

Perhaps, after all, we will decide on another pregnancy. We will prepare carefully, tune in for the best and take a chance. And maybe consider the option of adoption. Considering that I have some experience in this matter. The eldest child is the son of her husband from her first marriage. And how I became a stepmother can be read here. You can never give up, there are always options, you just need to change your point of view.

Thank you very much for reading, thank you for leaving comments. If you have such experience or good advice – write, we will be very grateful.