Why give birth to a sick child?

To be honest, in real life and once I asked such a question was not. In the hospital, except for low weight and jaundice, my daughter had no problems and I was not offered to hand her over to the orphanage, because she would be disabled. Up to a year we had no problems at all, and then they appeared not immediately, but gradually. Outwardly, she looks like a normal child and so I happily avoided such questions. And here is in networks such question ask very often. And not just asking, and just like with collisions, such as “your own fault, you gave birth to a sick child, and are now demanding to him and greater attention”. Apparently, these Internet specialists know much more than I do, all the doctors put together.

To date, my daughter is 6 years old, in a month will be 7 and so far no doctor has been able to say with 100% certainty why something went wrong. The result of MRI is excellent, genetics are relatively normal (ideal genetics, as the doctor told me no one), physiologically it is quite healthy. In most cases, doctors talk about a number of reasons, hypoxia during childbirth, which was superimposed on genetics and that all this together was complicated by vaccination. Now I’m not looking for a reason why it happened, I care more about the future, so we work hard and are engaged.

At 11 weeks of pregnancy, screening showed a high probability of having a child with down syndrome, I was referred to geneticists. In order to exclude or confirm the results of screening, I was offered the procedure of amniocentesis, that is, a special needle under the control of ultrasound, the doctor makes a puncture and performs a puncture of the embryonic membrane. Simply put, a long needle pierced my stomach (without anesthesia) and took the genetic material of the embryo. The procedure is extremely painful and dangerous, because after it a miscarriage is possible. After that, 40 minutes I sat in the hallway, the nurse made sure that I feel good and went home. It is good that I came to the procedure with my husband, because in the Elevator I suddenly became ill and I lost consciousness. I woke up on the floor with my legs up. Nothing terrible happened, after this procedure, the pressure dropped sharply and as a result fainted. They gave me coffee and sent me home, where I was back to normal. The result was promised in 3 days.

I will not say that all these three days I sat on pins and needles and thought only about the result. My husband and I discussed on the way to the hospital that if the result is positive, we will have an abortion. Having made this decision, I still tuned in to a negative result, I did not believe that it would be bad. I do not believe that our decision was absolutely correct and I do not urge anyone to do the same, this is solely my decision, which I made based on my life situation. As a 4th year student, I had an internship in pathopsychology at type 8 school. Our task was to diagnose the child, and then write a conclusion. I still remember the acute feeling of pity that I felt for these children, I did not know how to approach them, how to behave so as not to offend, how to find a common language. Then I thought I had made the right choice in favor of developmental psychology rather than clinical psychology. Thus, I thought that the strength to raise a child with developmental disabilities, I just do not have enough, and therefore I was ready for an abortion.

Three days later, the doctor allayed my fears, saying that the test result is negative for all genetic diseases that can be tested. Bonus I was told the sex of the baby. I came out elated and pleased. More such doubt over the whole pregnancy the doctors were not.

Now I have changed, I do not feel sorry for people with OVD, it is a very unproductive feeling. I regret that I did not unlearn on a clinical psychologist and plan to fix it. I’ve changed a lot, now I have much more strength and much less illusions. In my experience, I want to say that I did not want my child to be disabled. No parent wants that. But if it has already happened, then we must somehow live with it, we must adapt and work-work-work. And so the question “why gave birth to a sick child” always puts me in a dead end, as if I had such a goal, as if I knew in advance that everything would turn out this way and deliberately took the risk. Yes, I did not have such an insidious goal to give birth to a disabled person, to leave my beloved, well-paid job and, sitting at home, receive disability benefits.

Maybe it was a little messy. I didn’t mean to offend anyone, but this question really baffles me.